What are the effects of mass dissuasion? Particularly on the demented and the obese, and the crippled carriers of woe and burden? What is it that makes their suffering replete with justification and beautiful righteous meaning?

-Hoffman F. Price

I feel, sometimes – often times, even – that I’m completely separated from the eternal Truth, separated from human communication, pushed to uncomfortable limits (which I often force myself towards in the hopes of experiencing life more tangibly), I feel like the boundaries of life as I’m seeing them now hold fewer bubbling potentialities and more pain and loss than I’m yet capable to contend with.
Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes you get sick of all of the prefabricated associations, and it becomes difficult to take things seriously. Even worse, things can become downright repugnant, and by things I mean, pretty much, the act of existing. There are times when such a feat seems unnecessary, unfulfilling, pointless, painful, and ultimately in vain when you consider the unavoidable descent into the abyss. But then there’s also hope, a very powerful and potent thing indeed, with just a few hints of hope, as trite as it may sound, there opens up magnificent doorways – they could be illusions, delusions, disguises, or sleight of hand, but we allow ourselves to buy in so that we can keep the momentum going. Hope fuels existence, at least for us cognizant ones, unmatched on this planet in our desire to learn, and explore, and contribute to the overall mass of information that our species has so nobly collected, and set on a course who’s end we have only recently begun to have the vaguest notion of.

It’s been far too long without any activity on this thing. I’m such a negligent internet presence. I know. One day soon I’ll be much more reliable, I’ll have quaint stories for you on a regular basis.

I’ve been in a bit of a bizarre new world (for me) the last six months, working as the associate editor on a documentary that’s going to be on HBO this coming year, and the hours have been strange and varied (which certainly keeps things interesting). I’ve been drinking far too many energy drinks (aka legal speed) to keep my blood-caffeine content sufficient. Can somebody explain to me how these things can be legal over the counter when I need a scrip for Adderall? Fucking thin line.
Read the rest of this entry »